What is it about frustrating conversations that make me want to suck on one of those beautiful little cancer sticks? Suck on it? Interesting...Is cigarette smoking making me gay, or is it the quitting that makes me gay? I am not a quitter, am I?
So, I am writing this right now as I contemplate an evening of frustrating conversation I only hope and pray was productive to the person with whom I was speaking. My mind is telling me, 'Just go outside, have a puff, and relax yourself', and the sad thing is, I know it will. But, if this evening has taught me anything, it has reminded me that I make the world that I live in. It is myself that is creating my current anxiety and, therefore, it is myself that can extract it from myself.
As I think about another friend (and hopefully reader of this blog), it reminds myself how important it is exhibit self-reliance when confronted with difficult situations rather than turning to something exterior in order to mask it; remove it from my mind. I don't need to rely on substances to obtain happiness and calm and comfort, and with that, I feel my chest relaxing and my fingers soften and my heart not trying to bust through my ribcage, and I will go to bed, dreaming of my first day cigarette free.
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