Day Twenty-Nine

Having experienced one of the most intense and powerful movies I have seen in a while (perhaps even since The Lives Of Others), I cannot stop thinking about obsession and fetishism. The film, of course, is Black Swan. It is a beautiful and terrifying portrayal of obsession turned into a neuroses, finally becoming physically destructive. I am not going to contaminate the film by trying to insert my own cigarette narrative into what I conceive is Darren Oronofsky's intention. Just go see this movie! Seriously.

What interests me, however, is the connection between obsession and addiction. Over the past few years of my smoking life, it was necessary for me to take various efforts to 'hide' it from view of certain people; I had to internalize my love of smoking. Obviously, nicotine is an addictive substance. My body craved it, and when I was unable to requite this craving, my body raged. Yet, there is certainly a distinction between bodily cravings and mental fixation. Even in those times when my physical addiction was satiated, I still craved the comfort of a Camel in my hand occasionally moving toward my mouth. This notion begins to move away from addiction toward what I, in this consideration, will call an obsession. I certainly fetishized cigarettes as well (as do most smokers) by attributing to them various medicinal properties from calming my nerves (and tickling my grapes) to 'finishing a meal' to sharpening my driving senses. I embedded cigarettes into conception of life so that reality would either become unlivable or utterly cease to exist.

On a political note, the state of Maryland has been considering raising the taxes on alcoholic beverages by 'a dime a drink'. I understand the strain this may place on business-owners and sellers of alcohol, yet who the fuck complained when cigarette smokers watched their cigs taxed to a degree that has more than doubled the price of cigarettes in the past six years. Just like cigs, alcohol is a luxury (and, often, quite a destructive one), and in difficult times like these, these luxuries should not be taken for granted! Tax away...