After reflecting on my post from yesterday, I realize there is something important I completely left out. What has philosophically troubled me was my addiction to nicotine and the therein loss of my free-will. I felt that my ability to make the choice to smoke or not smoke a cig was reduced to non-existence. On Sunday morning, I felt compelled by no one and no thing but my own ontological authority. I have a similar issue here when I look into the calm, smooth vat of frying oil in the Alonso's kitchen when it is undisturbed. All I ever want to do is very quickly dip my finger in it to see if it is actually hot. The same happens when I see a boiling pot of water filling with spaghetti. I reach in and pinch a thrashing spaghetti with my pointer and thumb. The question is always a matter of 'testing the waters'. Sunday morning, the water was cold and uncomfortable. I feel am absolute absence of desire to take another dip.
It feels good to, finally, be able to control my relationship with cigarettes.
I think your punishment for smoking from now on should be to play russian roulette with the fryer oil...is it hot?...is it not? only your little finger will be able to tell
ReplyDeleteI'm down. I have been waiting for someone to give me the go-ahead. It just always looks so calm and peaceful to me; can't understand how it could possible be so hot.
ReplyDeleteThis helps me. I was unsettled by yesterday's post. Like, "what the hell! he's going to take a puff all la-de-da and act like it's no big deal!" But I guess that's the point. It was no big deal. And that's a good thing.
ReplyDeleteWell, let me say that this is simultaneously 'no big deal' and a HUGE fucking deal. I feel great.
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